What not running taught me about acceptance
There is a certain irony in taking a year and a half hiatus from blogging immediately following my last post about the myth of laziness. It’s a great opportunity to practice self-compassion, for sure - and also an opportunity to take a harder look at whether I’ve been avoiding something important to me.
It’s been an eventful year and a half for me. In August 2024, soon after that last blog post, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. While I was pretty lucky and had a relatively uneventful pregnancy, let me tell you, postpartum recovery has thrown me for a loop. 10ish months out, I’m still finding my way back to a new sense of normalcy and routine. I’ve been reflecting a LOT, and I thought it was time to share some of those reflections here.
One thing on my mind has been running. I wrote a blog post a couple of years ago about the process of bringing running into my life as a regular practice, and what running taught me about acceptance. During postpartum recovery, I’ve been surprised at how hard I’ve had to work to accept NOT running. I was prepared to take a hiatus from most things, including running, during some period leading up to and following the birth of my child. What I didn’t expect was to have lingering hip and knee pain for a full 9 months after giving birth, which left me unable to move in lots of ways I had been used to doing before. Even though my body has continued to recover, for which I am grateful, my partner and I have still been challenged by navigating the fluctuating time and energy demands that come with caring for a baby.
All that to say, I haven’t had a regular running routine in place since about a year ago. It was easier for me to accept that earlier on, and less so in recent months. My (perhaps unrealistic?) expectations for postpartum recovery have made it difficult for me to be present with and accept the lived reality at times.
The difficulty of accepting lies in allowing myself to feel and experience the most uncomfortable parts of my reality right now, without wishing it away or rushing to change it. One thing that helps is trying to expand my perspective - recognizing that with the “bad” (painful, frustrating, etc), there are also neutral and “good” (enjoyable, meaningful) things, too. When I’m able to make contact with a variety of experiences, the challenging ones loosen their grip on me, and I often end up feeling more balanced. Do I still wish I had more mobility and freedom at times? Absolutely. And in the meantime, I find other ways to move my body and get outside, and I make space for using my time in other ways that matter to me (like being present with my family).
When I zoom out, I’m also able to recognize that even though I’m not physically running, I’ve kept up a runner’s pace while balancing work, childcare, and miscellaneous life tasks. My values of discipline and dedication aren’t gone - they’ve been reallocated in the service of this messy, beautiful, huge part of my life that is new parenthood. The adjustment is still happening, and I’m hopeful that I can keep trying to make room for running, writing, and other activities I’d like to reconnect with.
